We parents pass on so many traditions, routines and habits to our kids:
Wash your hands before you eat.
Buckle your seatbelt in the car.
Look both ways before crossing the road.
None, however, are more important than our faith:
Put God first.
Trust Him.
Make church a part of your life.
Pray always.
It’s no easy job, and it’s a great responsibility entrusted to us by God Himself when He chose us to be parents.
The traditions of the Catholic Church are prefect for setting some of these habits early and consistently.
The Faith of our Children Series
I’m honored to be part of a group of mom bloggers sharing our hearts on “The Faith of our Children” the next four months. The theme for today’s post is passing traditions of faith to our kids.
There are many, many traditions we employ to pass on the faith to our kids, from mealtime and bedtime prayers to what they see on our walls in our homes, but I want to focus today on how we teach the importance and beauty of the Mass in our family.
My Foundations for the Mass
In my own childhood, Sunday Mass was a non-negotiable part of the week. No matter where in the world we were – Disneyland, a cruise in the Bahamas, or at a family gathering surrounded by non-Catholics who were going to have fun while we were gone – we found a church and went to Mass. (And my mother is not even Catholic! She doesn’t come with us to Mass but supports our faith when she needs to.)
In my hometown, the deep importance placed on Mass was followed closely by the weekly tradition of kielbasa breakfast at my Busia’s (Polish grandmother). Whenever we entered her house, we’d call out a phrase in Polish that means, “The Peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you!” and whoever was home replied, “For ever and ever, Amen!”
It is those pleasant memories that are still connected with the experience of the Mass, making both positive in retrospect. I’m thankful that we were able to have such consistent routines to frame the weeks of my childhood.
Do Very Young Children Belong at Mass?
Some people believe little children simply have no place at Mass.
A friend of mine actually had someone leave a note under her windshield wipers regarding not bringing her infant and toddler to daily Mass. Another tells the story of an average day in the rear of the church, children fidgeting and busy but generally well-behaved during Mass. A parishioner in the pew behind leaned over at one point to say, “That’s why we always hired a babysitter for Mass when our children were young.”
I’m absolutely shocked.
Jesus surrounded Himself with little children in the Scriptures, and in a faith where being open to life is particularly significant, I would hope Catholics would be a bit more used to that “life” coming to Mass from day one.
I firmly believe that Mass is precisely where our small children should be!
I take great joy in the fact that my own kids have more or less averaged two experiences of Mass per week their entire lives. I feel humbled to see them learning the routines of the Mass and so proud that they know the songs better than many older kids.
How are we to raise up a generation of much-needed new priests, nevertheless your basic Mass-going Catholic adults, if we don’t expose our children to the Mass, early and often?
Family Traditions to Teach About the Mass
We instill both a love for the Mass and an attitude of learning by passing on the traditions of Mass each week:
- We sing all the songs and invite them to participate, including helping emergent readers follow along in the book with our fingers
- “Find the tabernacle” is almost a game when we’re in a new church – even my just-turned-three-year-old knows that it’s “Jesus’s little house” and that He lives there, and my 6-year-old knows to look for the red candle which always burns.
- We always genuflect – toward the Tabernacle – and teach the kids why we do so – I used to take my third grade school students over to the church the first week of school to practice a proper Mass attitude. I told them that we want the church to feel different than filing into a football game or a movie theater. This is God’s house, Jesus is present, and we need to take that minute to say to God, “I see you. I honor you. I love you. I know you are bigger than me, so I make myself small in front of you.” I made them do it right if they slacked and didn’t get their little knees all the way to the floor.
- I explain what the altar servers and priest are doing at various parts of the Mass (discreetly of course), encouraging my son already to think about serving on the altar.
- When the priest raises the host at the consecration, I try to whisper to whoever is close enough, “There’s Jesus,” and get even the littlest eyes attending to the front. This starts when my babes are still in a sling in front of me. My dad used to nudge me every Mass, right through my teenage years, and say, “The is the most important part of the Mass.” That stuck with me for sure!
- When we’re on vacation and visiting an unfamiliar church, I ask my oldest to figure out what is the same and different about that church and our church, calling his attention to some of the common features of Catholicism: the altar, candles, crucifix, Tabernacle, Stations of the Cross, Baptismal candle and font, etc. I usually ask my younger daughter to find Jesus or Mary in the church. (I’m pretty sure she thinks the priest is Jesus…we’ll have to work on that one!)
- When we leave, I instruct my toddler to genuflect and say, “Bye bye, Jesus! I love you, Jesus!” toward the Tabernacle.
Because we have high expectations for our children and give them frequent exposure to the Mass, they are some of the best behaved kids there (in my humble, ahem, unbiased opinion). They also “get it” quicker than you might think.
My favorite Mass story is from when my son was between 12-18 months. “O” cereal was still our Mass bag treat of choice, and one day I looked down to see my little guy reverently holding up one “O” at a time just above his face, bowing his head deeply, deliberately placing the cereal into his other palm, and then consuming it. He already says he doesn’t want to be a priest, but I’m hanging onto that memory in great hope!
It’s often said that if a child is raised in the Church, even if he strays, he will eventually come back to his roots. I know that is my father’s prayer for my brother, and I pray often that the foundation I lay with my kids is strong enough and the roots deep enough to sustain them through the storms and trials of life, pulling them back to their center, their faith, and the Mass.
Be sure to check out the rest of the ladies’ beautiful “traditions” posts:
- Amy’s Finer Things
- Balancing Beauty and Bedlam
- Mom’s Toolbox
- Owl Haven
- Parenting Miracles
- Smockity Frocks
- The Happy Housewife
You can find all the Faith of our Children posts here.
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I so agree with you that young children belong in church. I am not Catholic, but my 5 year old son has been in worship with us every Sunday since he was an infant. He has grown up there, knows what to expect, and knows our expectations for his behavior.
My husband carried him up front for the children’s sermon since he was a baby. For a long time after he was able, he was afraid to go by himself, so Daddy accompanied him every Sunday. On that day he finally decided he wanted to go by himself, all the adults congratulated him on his way back to the pew. And after worship, many of the congratulated us also. One woman gave my son a high five and then said to me, “He doesn’t realize this, but we’ve been praying him since before he was born.”
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This is a really lovely post. There are so many truths in it. And your quote at the end is actually a Biblical promise for us found in Proverbs 22:6 – Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. It’s so wonderful that God has given us so many promises regarding our family. But, it’s also a great responsibility because we are constantly training our children whether for good or the not so good. I like the differentiation I’ve heard between ‘teaching’ and ‘training’. To teach is to give verbal instruction. But, to training involves hands-0n repetition. So, we are training our chilren either way – by our regard for the scriptures and walking them out or by disregarding them. Our actions truly do speak much louder than our words.
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Katie Reply:
June 17th, 2011 at 11:56 am
Pam,
Katie
Thank you for including that Scripture – a familiar one, but one that I didn’t remember to include.
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Absolutely! How will our children ever learn to behave during the mass if they don’t go? How can they see how important it is if it’s not important enough to take them? Thanks for sharing this.
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I believe deeply that children belong in Mass. How else do we expect them to learn our faith? I love the story about your son and the ‘o’ cereal; this is simply precious. I really enjoyed reading about your traditions and routines to help explain the Mass in a way that makes sense for a young child… great ideas!
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Beautiful post Katie!
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Hi there! We also believe strongly in needing to have our children in church next to us every Sunday. From newborn, to toddlerhood (fun!), to preschool/school age. We are amazed at how others want to push our children into their appropriate age segregated classes. But I wouldn’t give away all the hassles of training little ones to be quiet and all the back of the church sessions–because from those times, my children have picked up so much. We often spend the ride home discussing questions they have. And one wiggly/crazy/wild/naughty Sunday morning (when I was at the end of my rope), my son decided he wanted God as his Savior. He was not quite 4, but God draws those wee ones to Himself. And the kid KNEW he needed God. It still amazes me, cause mostly what I remember from that am was my son being the naughtiest thing ever–hahaha! There are times I question the sanity in it–but worshipping next to my children is precious, and I fall so much more deeply in love with them during those times. I believe God can and does use that as a time to build families. (just like eating dinner at the table together draws a family closer–but often makes us parents want to go back to the seen and not heard generation–hahaha!)
Anyway, thank you for this. We feel so odd sometimes, but it’s nice to know others feel so similar about worshipping w/ their whole family.
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This is true for any church and any faith, we do it with our children in our Lutheran church.
It saddens me to hear people say that little ones don’t belong in church, how else are they to learn? And it doesn’t just apply to the very little ones. I have 2 special needs children, and if you think people get upset when a 18 mo old acts up, you should see the looks we get from some when my 70 lb 6.5 yr old autistic son acts out or screams or melts down. It is so important for a church to encourage compassion and acceptance for those who may not be able to sit quietly and still. We are glad to have a young congregation with many families and babies so there is always a general amt of noise that every one is used to, including my sons, whom most people love and encourage, even during their least “loveable” times. It is very difficult when traveling, because other congregations don’t understand why our kids act out sometimes.
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Thanks for the reminder! I’ve gotten so bogged down with the sheer exhaustion of bringing a toddler to mass that I’ve stopped going to daily mass completely. It breaks my heart, because I always imagined bringing my kids to mass every day. I should try again! I agree wholeheartedly that children belong in mass- the church is UNIVERSAL- not just for those who can sit still.
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Katie Reply:
June 17th, 2011 at 11:52 am
Julie,
Katie
I always shoot for once a week with the kids – we go to the school Mass, which is both later in the day and a bit more fun b/c they like to watch the school kids.
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This is a beautiful post. My daughter is only 3 months old, so this has lots of good ideas for me as she gets older. We have been taking her to Mass since she was a week old (I was still in the hospital the Sunday after she was born). Our church is very welcoming of all children, and there is no “cry room” to separate the children from the Mass. That is unfortunate that people would encourage others NOT to bring their children to Mass. We can only pray for them and continue what we’re doing.
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Great post!!! I love to see children at mass. Their cries & fussing make me thankful for LIFE!!
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I loved your post! I was raised Catholic and now worship every Sunday in a non-denominational church.( I married a Protestant) I always wished the Catholic Church had Sunday school for the little ones. What we do is we all go to church as a family and then we all go to our Sunday Schools /Youth group for the teens. We are there all morning ( for 2 1/2 hours) but the kids have gotten used to it. We all can learn more about the bible that way, but still worship together in church.There is nothing like all being together in church worshiping our Savior!
I wish more young families went to church these days! It breaks my heart to see how many don’t. Take care and God Bless! Martine
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Beautiful article! I am an Episcopalian, so some of our specific practices and beliefs are different, but I wholeheartedly agree that children belong in church with everyone else. My son (now 6) has always come with me. I have heard a little criticism about it, but most people are very pleased to have him there and appreciate his (usually) good behavior.
You might like this funny story about my son playing Communion. On a more serious note, in the Episcopal Church all baptized Christians may receive Communion, although some families have their children wait until a certain age. My friend’s 4-year-old daughter, Ada, has been receiving for a while now. Our parish usually uses whole-wheat bread specially baked by a parishioner, but one Sunday she had not been able to do it so we were using wafers. Ada was next to me at the rail and looked surprised at the wafer. She put it in her mouth and after a moment smiled and whispered, “It’s still Jesus!” Amen!
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Katie, we do and say many of those same things with our children at Mass, it was fun reading about them all here, they’re second nature to me now. (I’m a convert but have been Catholic for years.) I love your neat tradition when you walk into your Grandma’s house!
Kelly
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LOVE LOVE LOVE!! I have two stories I have told in posts and am too lazy to look for – one is when I was discouraged I didn’t “get” anything out of Mass because my kids were noisy and all over one Sunday. A sweet old woman said, “The blessing is that you’re here”. That will stay with me always – blessing God, blessing my kids, blessing me… she was 100% right. The other is that a (different) sweet old woman gave my kids each a quarter for behaving so well in Mass. They usually do well, but it was awesome to have someone notice
My son started CCD this year and he loves it so much I – he has his own little peer group now to share his experiences with and is missing it during the summer!
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Katie Reply:
June 18th, 2011 at 1:27 am
Aw, Yay! Btw, we made an offer on a house and St MM would be our closest church, and I think you go there? That’s a bonus!
Katie
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KATIE! I’m gonna need you to give me the phonetical way to say your Polish greeting and response… My maternal grandmother was Polish and my cousins joked that as JPII got older, he looked more and more like her. I’d love to be able to share that with them – and I know Grandma would’ve loved it.
I am blessed to be part of a teeny parish that embraces little ones as hope for our future. I will always remember a time back when I didn’t know very many people that a very sweet lady approached me after Mass and said how nice it was to hear the little voices there. The little voice in question had been screeching unfortunately, and it had been a big struggle. Her words uplifted me so much!
Whenever I see (or hear!) a mama that has had a struggle during Mass, I make it a point to approach them and remind them that they get special graces just for bringing the little one.
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Katie Reply:
June 18th, 2011 at 1:29 am
Aw, yay for sweet old ladies!
Here’s the Polish, butchered in my attempt: Nyeck Benji Polka-lani Yay-zeus Chrees-toos. Nya veckum veckum Ah-men.
wow that looks crazy! I’d love to see it written in Polish, too.
Katie
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Non-negotiable. That was us growing up! And when my Catholic mom had to work the weekend shift at the hospital, my protestant dad took us to Mass by himself.
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I love this!!!!! Thank You!!!
I recently confessed that sometimes I go to mass and just go through the motions because of the constant distractions of my 4 children. Our priest confidently told me how happy he was to see my family there, as a family, each week, without fail and how he wished other families would do the same. My penance was to come to mass more the next week, with the kids in tow!
I have to say though that one of the best changes I’ve made in recent months was by joining a bible study. Each week we review the upcoming Sunday’s Gospel. It’s a true preparation for mass, and I love it, it gets me familiar with the reading and open my heart better to the gospel… somethings you have to hear or read twice before it sinks in!
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Beautiful, beautiful post! The story about your toddler acting like the priest brought tears to my eyes. Is that Father Charlie in the photos? Love him!
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Katie Reply:
June 21st, 2011 at 12:52 am
Yes, Mary, that’s a photo from our wedding. How fun to have a fellow Michigander recognize one of my favorite priests!
Katie
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I love this post. My family is not Catholic, but it encourages me to see so many responding on the importance of little ones attending! Ours have gone with us at every opportunity since birth, and it shows. Thank you for speaking out on this issue… I love the reference to how Jesus, in his life here on Earth, surrounded himself with the little ones, why would He do any differently now??
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I am hoping to form a small group within our church in the fall…and start there in teaching my children appropriate behavior in a church setting. They don’t like to attend “big church” with us right now, because they enjoy going to the children’s services. But at home, several times a day, they will get out chairs and stand on them and say “Let’s pray!” and my 3-year-old will pray while my (almost) 2-year-old bows his head and folds his hands. Then they will clap and cheer after saying “amen!” To them this is great and exciting! They often remind us it’s time to pray before we eat and reach for our hands. On rare occasions my 3-year-old asks to be the one to say the prayer.
There are a lot of ways in which I struggle and know I am failing to teach them as I should, but I hold onto these things when I feel like a failure. At least they know about Jesus and they love to pray and they see all of this as very positive. They ASK to go to church. So for all the ways I’m failing them currently…God’s grace is making up for it, right?
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Katie, I love this post and very much agree with you. The very young belong. Corinthians says ONE BODY. Without all the parts, we are missing out. Everyone is invited to look at my blog this week, as I talk will be talking about special needs and religious education. Thanks for the post. It’s an important one.
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I absolutely loved this article, especially since I have often attended Mass during the week and always on Sundays with my 5 children. Raising my babies in the church has and is one of the greatest blessings in my life. I would like to ask for advice on a charitable way to deal with disrespectful children in Mass. My children and I have tried to lead by example. Other parishioners have tried to offer advice to the parents, but all to no avail. The parents firmly feel that their children should and must be in attendance at Mass, I agree. However, I believe that there are always times that require discretion and the prompt removal of a disruptive child. I believe that if my children are a distraction that prohibits the worship of others, then they must be removed. I have firmly and lovingly trained them in this way. I often felt that my sacrifice in having to leave the Mass was also a blessing and helped me to never take for granted any time that I may have to pray or share our Lord with my children. My youngest is now 4 so stepping out during Mass is basically in the past. However, this family will not step out. Even when our priest gently reminds everyone that we have a cry room. Sometimes I believe that others’ negative opinions in regards to little ones at Mass is due to this type of attitude. I personally try my best to attend at other times, because of the disregard for others. Am I being uncharitable or am I right in my thinking that there’s a clear line to the acceptable amount of noise and distraction that a child should be allowed to make? Any advice will be most appreciated.
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Katie Reply:
June 20th, 2011 at 1:49 am
Lydia,
I do agree that there are times a parent needs to pull a child from the main body of the Mass, hopefully temporarily (or for a certain phase of life/age range).
I don’t know how well you know the family in question, so it may not be your place. If this couple were at least acquaintances of mine, I might point out some of their obligations:
1. obedience to the priest – ask him what he thinks
2. charity toward others – that they may actually hear the words of the Liturgy
3. godly discipline of their children – if children have no consequences for poor behavior at Mass, how will they ever change?
What I dislike just as much is the opposite of your stubborn couple – those parents who plant themselves in the cry room immediately each week, even though their kids probably don’t need it 100% of the time. The cry room becomes a place to play, and children are taught that (a) they don’t belong at Mass, really, and (b) they don’t have to try to sit still because they’re in the cry room anyway. I have no idea how those parents attend to Mass one bit, it’s so loud in there!
Really, you hit the nail on the head with this quote: “I often felt that my sacrifice in having to leave the Mass was also a blessing.” If you could share that attitude with this family somehow, maybe it will make a difference.
God bless you on your honest efforts!
Katie
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I loved your post! It’s so sad when people don’t want children in church, if spending time together in God’s house isn’t the ideal ‘family time’ I don’t know what is. I’ve taken my baby since he was less than a week old in a sling too!We go to a non-demonination church that is very family friendly but there’s still a lot of pressure to put everyone over tiny newborn in the nursery.
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I love this, Katie! With three little ones, it can definitely be a trying experience at times, but we always feel so refreshed and close as a family after each Sunday Mass.
We feel strongly that this is where our children belong, with our family and the collective family of the Church!
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Kudos to you for instilling a sense of the Real Presence at such an early age. It seems fitting for the deepest mysteries to be taught to the youngest children.
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Katie,
I have been reading your blog for about a month now. I have never responded before, basically because I am new at this whole food thing and sort of feel like an outsider. I only have 3 kids. One 10, one who just turned 6 and one who is about to turn 5. I am Catholic and it was not an option as a kid for me either to miss Mass. Every Sunday we went to Mass as a family. When I had my first child, it was just a normal thing for me to bring her to Mass with me. My husband who is not a practicing Catholic, does not feel the need to join us. My oldest was well behaved and I never had a problem with her in Mass. My son though, came to Mass with me and my daughter when he was a baby and I had no problems. It wasn’t until I added my third one that taking them to Mass was impossible. I often would go to Mass with my parents so they could help me out. My son as a toddler was a bit unruly. For example, he pulled the fire alarm in the church right before Mass was about to start. I cannot tell you how embarrassing that was. I was often greeted with mean stares and nasty comments, from people who call themselves Christians. I have left Mass in tears because of the comments of some people. I never did take it as blessing though. I was the worst feeling in the world. Had my faith in the Church not been strong, I could see why people leave the Catholic Church. It got so bad that I just
stopped bringing my two little ones to Mass. One Christmas, I took them to Mass with my parents and my sister. My son started to act out, so I took him to the cry room (which I can’t stand and wish there was no such thing). Well he continued to cry because he didn’t want to be in the cry room. Well, a lady sitting next to my sister said,”She should have kept that kid at home.” Unfortunately, my sister told me what she said. I was so crushed, I said I would not bring him to Mass until he was older. I cannot tell you how judgemental people can be….They have the perfect kids who never misbehave in church and obviously you are the worst parent ever cause you can’t control your kids. Now I have allowed other people to keep me from sharing with my kids the one thing that is the most precious to me….The Mass. My kids go to Catholic school and do go to Mass often at school. I just have not been brave enough to try it again. I do tell my kids all about the Mass and how Jesus is really present in the Eucharist. They will even pray the Rosary with me at home. I just can’t bring them to Mass yet. I live in New Orleans and there is basically a Catholic church on every corner. (I am exaggerating, but there are alot of them) I have taken my kids to other churches not in my parish to see if it would be different, but I always seem to find the nasty one and sit next to them.And it is not so much the comments, it is the intolerant looks. I know when we were kids, we were not the best behaved kids all the time. We must have been active in church. I just don’t remember it being an issue when we were kids. It was just expected you be there. I just think that people need to remember that everyone does not have perfect kids and some kids are more active than others. A priest once told me that he was not distracted by the kids in church….he is so focused on the Mass. I’m sorry. I can go on and on about this. Please just tell people they need to be a little more tolerant and less judgemental….we are doing the best we can.
Michelle
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Katie Reply:
June 21st, 2011 at 1:25 am
Michelle,
Your story is breaking my heart! I wish it wasn’t un-Christian to say nasty things about those people who are being intolerant toward your kids…
That’s really awful to have so many people say such things.
No wonder you are so nervous about Mass with the kids! Praise God your faith is strong enough to stick around. Maybe your older two could come with you, and eventually the youngest will grow out of some of his toddler behavior, plus if the olders are doing it, he’ll think it’s cool and want to go too, if my daughter is any indication of a younger sibling. 
May God bless your faith and your sharing of it with your kids – you bet you’re doing the best you can!
Katie
Thank you for sharing this painful perspective…I hope the mean people read it…actually, I hope KS readers aren’t the mean people, but that’s beside the point. Keep up the good work!
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I enjoyed reading your post. Heartening to read about your efforts in faith foundation of your kids.
After reading some of your reader’s comments about people abandoning church due to unhealthy attitude, it does make one feel sad.
Hopefully the church will survive the challenges of time.
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Katie Reply:
October 29th, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Thanks, Scinia!
Katie
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I sooooo love this article! My husband’s grandpa has given us such a hard time in the past about our kids coming to Mass with us that I started to refuse to sit with him at Mass! Every little noise they’d make and he’d roll his eyes and huff and puff. He even asked my husband once “What’s the matter? You can’t control your kids??” My husband just said “no, would you like to take over???”
When our oldest was born we committed that we would not go to different Masses so one could stay home with her and we could have a peaceful Mass. This is their time to learn how to sit in Mass. My time to have a peaceful Mass will return all too soon!!!
After Sundays where I’ve been in tears because they have been so awful (we have 3 and 1 on the way) I’ve had moms come over and give me a hug and say “It gets better! Don’t give up! I love seeing your whole family in Mass!” That’s what we need to be doing….encouraging and building up one another!
Thanks again for this great post!
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