Adulthood has more detective work than I expected when I was little, immersing myself passionately in the world of Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys and my own invented mysteries to solve on the elementary school playground.
You can rarely just FIX something; intuitive adults realize they have to spend time looking for causes.
Just like we real foodies question: “WHY do I feel badly? WHY am I getting sick?” instead of just looking for the next pill to pop, positive parents ask, “WHY is my child acting this way?” instead of just responding with their guts to an annoying situation.
I get the food thing…and I’m working on the “positive” part of parenting as I go through Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions course.
The webinars are over via KS, but other bloggers periodically co-host the same topic with Amy. You can check to see if one is coming up right HERE.
I Should Know This Stuff
It’s funny really – I’m trained as a teacher, I’ve had the early childhood lessons on how to discipline consistently in an even-tempered manner, how to redirect behavior, give the child agency/choice and choose appropriate consequences that fit the crime.
I started out my parenting journey like a champ – with one child, I read parenting books, utilized super effective techniques like 1-2-3 magic and The Happiest Toddler on the Block, and life was pretty peaceful. I felt competent, and our oldest is/was pretty much an angel child. How much that had to do with my parenting, of course, and how much was simply his temperament is up for discussion, so I may have been patting myself on the back a little too hastily.
Kimball child number two is what people call “strong-willed.” In other words, my little girl is exactly like me.
Nothing but trouble to have both of us trying to work and learn together!
The power struggles began early, and I remember just before number three was born, when my girl was just hitting three years old herself, I thought we’d never get along – ever. I was resigned to battling her for life, and it made me exhausted just thinking about it.
In the three years since, she has somehow become a sweet, helpful, somewhat organized, even-tempered kindergartener – 80% of the time. I’ll let you guess what happens the other 20%.
Number three is a great kid, really, he is – but I think my patience has been worn down by the years and the sheer number of times I’ve had to say (or wanted to say but chose better language), “Don’t do that!” “Stop whining!” “Come HERE!”
Alas, I’ve become a yeller.
An eye roller.
A mom whose exasperated tone comes more quickly than her hugs and smiles.
Some days I look back on my interactions with my kids and know that if anyone was video taping me, I’d be on Super Nanny in an instant.
And as someone who loves her kids beyond the stars and is a trained educational professional, that’s not only unacceptable but downright embarrassing.
I haven’t taken the time to read a parenting book or even article in ages, but it’s time for some intervention for me.
My husband has also reached the end of his patience rope with the dinnertime chaos and interruptions. (Believe me, our table is far less wild and crazy than many families, because we don’t usually have food struggles/picky eaters to deal with, but everyone has their own limits of patience, and hub’s was reached when the 1357th conversation was interrupted by a child.)
I’ve been digging into the Positive Parenting Solutions coursework, and I’m not only very impressed by the smooth interfaces, professional delivery and academic content, but I’m humbled and inspired by the lessons so far.
Find another webinar HERE.
Start with the Cause
The foundation of the courses, just like the foundation of how we make food choices here at Kitchen Stewardship, is to start with the WHY.
It’s something so basic in parenting, in any interaction with people really, but a point I’ve unfortunately forgotten over the years of just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to keep my head above water.
I haven’t taken the time to even ask the question, nevertheless answer it: “WHY is my child behaving this way?”
I’ve only been reactionary, and this summer is the time to make a change in my mindset and become a reformed yeller instead of just embarrassed.
Parenting Takes Two – Even if You’re a Single Parent
What am I talking about?
One surprising section early in the coursework, after laying the foundation of what all human beings, large or small, really want (the key to the WHY? question), was the parent personality priority. There are three modules to help you figure out the (major) role your own personality plays in your parenting and ultimately, your child’s behavior.
That’s why parenting takes two – the parent and the child, and good parent detective have to dig into the whys and wherefores of each side, then examine how they mesh together.
Big Mean Mommy
I took the parent personality survey and apparently I’m not very comforting at all but nearly as full of “superiority” as I am controlling.
My husband looked at the results and when I said, “I don’t know if that’s very good…” he replied sheepishly, with a grin he couldn’t keep back, “That’s you, dear. That’s pretty much you.”
Like I said: Humbling.
But don’t be scared off just because you might have to get a little introspective. I can feel it in my bones that this course is going to be amazing and helpful for me and hopefully a game changer in our family – because unless I find that elusive 8th day in the week or 25th hour in the day or become the recipient of a full-time nanny for free, I need to refill the patience buckets and get back to a peaceful household before October when number four enters the scene.
If you’re feeling a bit that way, or if you’ve ever said something like:
- “I’ve tried everything and nothing works.”
- “They never do anything the first time I ask.”
- “My child is strong-willed…”
- “Time outs just don’t work, and they’re exhausting me.”
…you might want to see if you can fit in the free webinar with Amy McCready.
If you need to put on a movie for your kids or hire a babysitter for an hour, this might be worth it! Amy promises that you’ll have pages of notes by the end – this is a real class full of content that you can put into action as soon as you stand up from the computer.
The register button will redirect to the page where you can find other webinars coming soon…
All you need is your computer – no webcam required. You’ll see and hear Amy on your screen, and you can even ask questions and she’ll make them part of the presentation. (So kids can be playing in the background and you can take 5 minutes to be a parent if you need to; no one will know.) Parents rave about this session!
What Will I Learn?
The one hour webinar actually covers quite a bit:
- why kids really misbehave — it’s probably not what you think!
- how your personality may actually fuel misbehavior
- the 5 R’s of Fair & Effective Consequences so kids listen the first time you ask (and no, no magicians come with the class)
- training resources to reduce your parenting stress & stop nagging, reminding & yelling
The register button will redirect to the page where you can find other webinars coming soon…
Amy’s further courses, the ones I’m digging into, include extended resources for all of the above (40 video lessons plus print articles!) and special modules for situations you may or may not have run into in your family:
- Curing Bedtime Blues
- Taming Morning Mania
- Chores, Consequences & the Summer Contract
- Getting Kids to Eat What the Family Eats
- Help for Homework Hassles
- Solutions for Sibling Squabbles
- Ending the Entitlement Epidemic
- ABCs of Allowance
- …and more
Who is Amy McCready?
I was acquainted with Amy after I heard her short presentation via the Mom Conference online back in March. It was my favorite session by far and my husband and I immediately implemented one of her most magical tips, with great success.
When I found out she was willing to do an hour-long session just for my readers at a much more in-depth, content-rich level than the talk I had heard, I knew we had to schedule it for you all!
Amy is a “recovering yeller” herself and the founder of Positive Parenting Solutions as well as the author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling. Amy is a regular parenting contributor on the TODAY Show and has also appeared on Rachael Ray, CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Steve Harvey and elsewhere. In her most important role, she plays mom to two teenage boys.
What Does This Have to do with the Kitchen?
Here’s the thing: None of us function in isolation, with one part of our lives never affecting the others. Yep, this is a blog about real food and natural living, not a lifestyle or parenting blog.
But if you have kids, and I know many of you do – you’re cooking for them. You’re hoping to incorporate them into the kitchen and pass on good habits of eating and living. You’re spending more time doing “food stuff” than the average parent.
And if I’m not mistaken, that means you’re more at risk for parenting burnout – and a burned out parent, I know from experience, is not serving real food with joy, and therefore is not very effective at passing on a love for real food to their children.
So is positive parenting connected to the kitchen? If you want to be a good steward of all your resources and help your children know and love real food too, then yes, I think it is. Those of you who are feeling a little burned out, I hope, will appreciate this opportunity!
As for me…my husband and I are going to go watch the specialty module video called “Family, Inc” which is based on taking ideas from the workplace and applying them to the family, including (we hope) our solution for mealtime peace without interruptions! (and then maybe a little America’s Got Talent on DVR…)
You can’t be a talented parent without a full toolbox – and you can’t hear the free one-hour webinar without registering. Do it now so you don’t forget:
You’ll redirect to the page with upcoming webinars via other bloggers when you click register – I’ll miss chatting with you, but at least Amy will still be there!
Disclosure: I am an affiliate of Positive Parenting Solutions and will earn some commission if you become a full member of the courses, BUT the webinar is completely free, no strings attached, and I can’t wait to share the information with you! See my full disclosure statement here.