Allow me to begin by explaining what this study won’t do. You won’t find helpful techniques to keeping your children in line. You won’t find fancy tricks for punishments or guidelines for what behavior is appropriate in children. The goal of this study is a chance to define discipline with a biblical basis and refocus our perspective to narrow in on the purpose of discipline in our families. We will embrace our role as first educators of our children as one from God and learn from examples of godly parenting in Scripture. You won’t find discipline strategies here; you will find theories to integrate into the practical discipline strategies you already use in your home.
Themes:
- How does God the Father demonstrate parenthood?
- What is “discipline”?
- What is the goal of Scriptural discipline?
- Watching our Words…Again
Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) no. 2214:
The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood; this is the foundation of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God’s commandment.
Therefore let us learn from and emulate our Divine Father, who spoils us by the crucifixion and the free gift of salvation by grace.
The Fatherhood of God
Hebrews 12:5-11
And have you forgotten the exhortation which addresses you as sons?—”My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage when you are punished by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines him whom he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” 7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers to discipline us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time at their pleasure, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Matthew 7:9-11
Is there anyone among you who would hand his son a stone when he asked for bread? 10 Or would hand him a snake when he asked for a fish? 11 If you, then, evil as you are, know how to give your children what is good, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
Deuteronomy 8:1-5
“All the commandments which I command you this day you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the LORD swore to give to your fathers. 2 And you shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments, or not. 3 And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know; that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but that man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothing did not wear out upon you, and your foot did not swell, these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the LORD your God disciplines you.
Luke 15:4-7
‘Which one of you with a hundred sheep, if he lost one, would fail to leave the ninety-nine in the desert and go after the missing one till he found it? 5 And when he found it, would he not joyfully take it on his shoulders 6 and then, when he got home, call together his friends and neighbours, saying to them, “Rejoice with me, I have found my sheep that was lost.” 7 In the same way, I tell you, there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner repenting than over ninety-nine upright people who have no need of repentance. 8
Mark 1:10-11
And at once, as he was coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit, like a dove, descending on him. 11 And a voice came from heaven, ‘You are my Son, the Beloved; my favour rests on you.’
1. How does God the Father demonstrate His parenting skills? (i.e., what are the traits of Fatherhood demonstrated in the verses above?)
What is discipline?
Definition of discipline: “Any training intended to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral, physical or mental development is a particular direction.” (Obsolete: “to teach, to train”) From Latin discipulus: pupil and from Latin descere: to learn. The purpose of discipline is to teach our children the way in which they should go, to teach good behavior and good choices, to help our children learn what they need to know about life. Every opportunity to discipline must be an opportunity to teach.
We learned that the primary duties of parents were to educate and discipline the children. According to the definition of discipline, then, they are one in the same. We educate by discipline.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
CCC 2223:
Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery – the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the “material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones.” Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them:
He who loves his son will not spare the rod…. He who disciplines his son will profit by him. (Sirach 30:1-2)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4)
2. What is the Church definition of discipline according to the CCC?
Learning Discipline from the Scriptures
The following list (Q3-6) is from Parenting with Grace, by Gregory Popcak. His interpretations are at the end of the study marked “answers”.
3. See Mark 1:11 (above section). What can we do to mirror God’s love as shown to His Son in this verse?
Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand and touched him, and said to him, “I will; be clean.” Mark 1:41
She had heard the reports about Jesus, and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. 28 For she said, “If I touch even his garments, I shall be made well.” Mark 5:27-28
And wherever he came, in villages, cities, or country, they laid the sick in the market places, and besought him that they might touch even the fringe of his garment; and as many as touched it were made well. Mark 6:56
And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the village; and when he had spit on his eyes and laid his hands upon him, he asked him, “Do you see anything?” 24 And he looked up and said, “I see men; but they look like trees, walking.” 25 Then again he laid his hands upon his eyes; and he looked intently and was restored, and saw everything clearly. Mark 8:23-25
4. Jesus sets an example in these stories. How can we follow that example in our homes?
Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil. Matthew 5:37
5. What can our kids expect us to do as biblical mothers following this verse?
And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all; for Job said, “It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.” This Job did continually. Job 1:5
The LORD said to Moses, 23 “Say to Aaron and his sons, Thus you shall bless the people of Israel: you shall say to them, 24 The LORD bless you and keep you: 25 The LORD make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you: 26 The LORD lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace. 27 “So shall they put my name upon the people of Israel, and I will bless them.” Numbers 6:22-27
“Only take heed, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things which your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life; make them known to your children and your children’s children.” Deuteronomy 4:9
6. What does God call us as parents/mothers to do for our children daily?
CCC 1656-7:
In our own time, in a world often alien and even hostile to faith, believing families are of primary importance as centers of living, radiant faith. For this reason the Second Vatican Council, using an ancient expression, calls the family the Ecclesia domestica. 168 It is in the bosom of the family that parents are “by word and example . . . the first heralds of the faith with regard to their children. They should encourage them in the vocation which is proper to each child, fostering with special care any religious vocation.”
It is here that the father of the family, the mother, children, and all members of the family exercise the priesthood of the baptized in a privileged way “by the reception of the sacraments, prayer and thanksgiving, the witness of a holy life, and self-denial and active charity.” 170 Thus the home is the first school of Christian life and “a school for human enrichment.” 171 Here one learns endurance and the joy of work, fraternal love, generous – even repeated – forgiveness, and above all divine worship in prayer and the offering of one’s life.
7. As you pray with and for your children, how can you foster their vocations?
Proverbs 29:15-17
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. When the wicked are in authority, transgression increases; but the righteous will look upon their downfall. Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
Sirach 30:6-13
The avenger he leaves against his foes, and the one to repay his friends with kindness. He who spoils his son will have wounds to bandage, and will quake inwardly at every outcry. A colt untamed turns out stubborn; a son left to himself grows up unruly. Pamper your child and he will be a terror for you, indulge him and he will bring you grief. Share not in his frivolity lest you share in his sorrow, when finally your teeth are clenched in remorse. Give him not his own way in his youth, and close not your eyes to his follies. Bend him to the yoke when he is young, thrash his sides while he is still small, Lest he become stubborn, disobey you, and leave you disconsolate. Discipline your son, make heavy his yoke, lest his folly humiliate you.
8. How do you interpret these verses from Proverbs and Sirach? How do you live them out in your family?
For a father’s blessing gives a family firm roots, but a mother’s curse uproots the growing plant. Sirach 3:9
9. What might be a way that a mother would unintentionally “curse” her family?
Watching Our Words…Again
We dove into the power of wifely words in session two; now it’s time to consider the power of mother’s words. We know that in disciplining our kids, we talk a lot. We lay our guidelines, consequences, threaten, cajole, explain, evaluate, build up, show love…and can tear down what we’ve built with a single misplaced sentence. Read on for the Bible’s view.
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Sirach 18:14-17
My son, to your charity add no reproach, nor spoil any gift by harsh words. Like dew that abates a burning wind, so does a word improve a gift. Sometimes the word means more than the gift; both are offered by a kindly man. Only a fool upbraids before giving; a grudging gift wears out the expectant eyes.
Sirach 5: 11-17
Winnow not in every wind, and start not off in every direction. Be consistent in your thoughts; steadfast be your words. Be swift to hear, but slow to answer. If you have the knowledge, answer your neighbor; if not, put your hand over your mouth. Honor and dishonor through talking! A man’s tongue can be his downfall. Be not called a detractor; use not your tongue for calumny; For shame has been created for the thief, and the reproach of his neighbor for the double-tongued.
Ephesians 4: 29
No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the holy Spirit of God, with which you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. (And) be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.
Wisdom 8:7
Or if one loves justice, the fruits of her works are virtues; For she teaches moderation and prudence, justice and fortitude, and nothing in life is more useful for men than these.
10. What should a mother’s speech sound like in daily life, according to Scripture?
11. What is the hardest part about watching your tongue with your children? What goal(s) would you like to set for yourself?
From Vatican II’s Message to all Women:
Wives, mothers of families, the first educators of the human race in the intimacy of the family circle, pass on to your sons and your daughters the traditions of your fathers at the same time that you prepare them for an unsearchable future. Always remember that by her children a mother belongs to that future that perhaps she will not see.
Prayer for Economy of Speech
From “A Mother’s Book of Prayer”
Leaflet Missal Company, St. Paul, MN
“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” (Proverbs 10:19) O God, when I want to heap on words by nagging, gossiping, being rude or insulting, let me recall the teaching of Your Son, who admonished us to simply let our ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’, and our ‘No’ be ‘No’; anything beyond this, He said, comes from the evil one. May nothing unholy escape my lips, and let me consistently prefer silence to sinful speech. Fill my heart, Lord, with Your love, for out of the abundance of our hearts do our mouths speak. Amen.
Answers paraphrased from Popcak:
3. Praise children publicly. (specific praise, use examples of what the child has done, “gossiping” to other parent about child’s good deed) Often say, “You are so special to me. I love you, and nothing is more important to me than you.”
4. Touch and hug – Jesus gave His whole body to us, so we must give of our physical selves to our children. This includes being a “servant” and sacrificing our wants (and even needs!) for our kids.
5. Keep your promises. If you say you’ll be somewhere, be there. If you promise a fun outing, make it happen. If you lay down a consequence for an action, don’t back down. Be consistent – it’s only fair to your kids to know what to expect.
6. Pray with and for your children every day. Teach them about Jesus and the faith you want them to have.
Unless otherwise credited, photos are owned by the author or used with a license from Canva or Deposit Photos.
Very inspirational and Biblical. A call to parents to raise their as per the word of God.